Brankz
New member
Sorry wrong thread.
Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
Sorry wrong thread.
Brankz
New member
I'm at work.
remember I do BPOs part time but is super slow now and I just start working at orailys part time too, but I'm leaving orailys this week it's not for me.The only good thing about working there is I get kick ass discounts
stweasel
Member
Jeff was attending his 4X4 club's monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn't make the trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn't let him go.
After listening to the jeers and other remarks from his fellow friends Jeff left to go back home to his wife.
When Jeff's friends started arriving at the trail-head next day, who should be there but Jeff sitting up in front of his Jeep
"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Jeff?" "I didn't have to" was Jeff's reply.
"When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"
When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see -through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."
So here I am!
After listening to the jeers and other remarks from his fellow friends Jeff left to go back home to his wife.
When Jeff's friends started arriving at the trail-head next day, who should be there but Jeff sitting up in front of his Jeep
"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Jeff?" "I didn't have to" was Jeff's reply.
"When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then my wife snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"
When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see -through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want."
So here I am!
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jeff_in_rc
New member
Tigrcky
New member
So there was a guy out hunting and he shoots a dunk and the duck lands on some private property. So the hunter goes onto the land thinking nobody was around. As soon as he gets to the duck he heard a voice "excuse me". It was the land owner. " I believe that is my duck", the hunter replies " no I shot it down so its mine". The land owner thinks a bit the says "I'll tell you what, we will play a game whoever wins gets the duck". The hunter agrees cause its a nice duck the asks" what kind of game"? The land owner replies " I kick you in the balls as hard as I can the you kick me, whoever give up first wins". "Ok" says the hunter. The land owner says "since its my property I get to kick you first". The hunter thinks on this then agrees. The land owner rears back and kicks the hunter hard picking him off the ground. After rolling around in pain the hunter gets up and finally says" ok my turn" the land owner replies " aww hell you can have the damn thing!"
Sent from my whatyamacallit
Sent from my whatyamacallit
jeff_in_rc
New member
19 questions for ya!
Here is a list of the “What do you call a man with no arms and no legs….” Jokes that I thought you might enjoy. Let’s see how many you all can guess BEFORE I post the answers.
1 On the wall?
2 On the table?
3 In the pool/ocean?
4 As an art subject?
5 Lives in the valley?
6 Under a car/truck?
7 On your front porch?
8 In the bushes?
9 In a pot of hot water on the stove?
10 Water Skiing?
11 Two guys hanging over your window?
12 On a BBQ?
13 Woman on a BBQ?
14 Woman on a fence?
15 Flying over a fence?
16 In a hole?
17 On the beach?
18 In a junkyard?
19 In the bathroom?
Here is a list of the “What do you call a man with no arms and no legs….” Jokes that I thought you might enjoy. Let’s see how many you all can guess BEFORE I post the answers.
1 On the wall?
2 On the table?
3 In the pool/ocean?
4 As an art subject?
5 Lives in the valley?
6 Under a car/truck?
7 On your front porch?
8 In the bushes?
9 In a pot of hot water on the stove?
10 Water Skiing?
11 Two guys hanging over your window?
12 On a BBQ?
13 Woman on a BBQ?
14 Woman on a fence?
15 Flying over a fence?
16 In a hole?
17 On the beach?
18 In a junkyard?
19 In the bathroom?
Brankz
New member
Wait. I never ask for cash for a drive shaft :thinking: you're destroying my reputation lol
Brankz
New member
Last edited:
4x4Jesus
Caught the Bug
Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends Two nights each week
bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, So for his birthday she
takes him to a local Strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
"Oh no," says Vern. " He's in my bowling league ."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern If he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable And says, "How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a
Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her Arms around Vern,
starts to rub herself all Over him and says... "Hi Vern. Want your usual
table dance, big boy?"
Vern's wife, now furious,
Grabs her purse and Storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in Beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper Must have mistaken him
for someone else, But his wife is having none of it
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, Calling him every 4
letter word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.
bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, So for his birthday she
takes him to a local Strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to This club before.
"Oh no," says Vern. " He's in my bowling league ."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern If he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable And says, "How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a
Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her Arms around Vern,
starts to rub herself all Over him and says... "Hi Vern. Want your usual
table dance, big boy?"
Vern's wife, now furious,
Grabs her purse and Storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in Beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper Must have mistaken him
for someone else, But his wife is having none of it
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, Calling him every 4
letter word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.
Tigrcky
New member
lol not the first time i have heard that joke but everytime i hear it, it makes me laugh :cheesy:
IBeHeWhoIsJoshua
New member
Seeing this everywhere which is funny...almost as funny as the joke!
ssgp2
Member
A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his
Drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy,reviving him.
"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer
Answers in relief. "I don't want anything,
I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise."
And the golfer walks off.
"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.
"I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... A great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers."I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."
"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states."When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out E100 bills I didn't even know were there!"
"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
"Once, sometimes twice a week."
"What?" responds the Leprechaun in shock.
"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer,
"I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
Drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy,reviving him.
"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"
"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer
Answers in relief. "I don't want anything,
I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise."
And the golfer walks off.
"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.
"I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... A great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers."I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."
"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states."When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out E100 bills I didn't even know were there!"
"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
"Once, sometimes twice a week."
"What?" responds the Leprechaun in shock.
"That's all? Only once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer,
"I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
Desert Rose JK
Member
Since we're on the subject of golf...here's one.
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.'
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.
'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.'
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'
'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.
'No, I won't.'
'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.'
With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.
'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!'
'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.'
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.
'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.'
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'
'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.
'No, I won't.'
'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.'
With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.
'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!'
'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'
jeff_in_rc
New member
Well got no takers but here are the answers nun the less.
1 Art
2 Bill
3 Bob
4 Drew
5 Fernando
6 Jack
7 Matt
8 Russell
9 Stu
10 Skip
11 Curt n Rod
12 Frank
13 Patty
14 Barb
15 Homer
16 Phil
17 Sandy
18 Rusty
19 John
Desert Rose JK
Member
Today I was beaten up today by a woman... I was in the elevator when a busty lady got in.
I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did....................... and I don't remember much afterwards. They tell me my injuries will heal in time.
:cheesy::cheesy::cheesy:
I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did....................... and I don't remember much afterwards. They tell me my injuries will heal in time.
:cheesy::cheesy::cheesy: