Joke Thread

fmdualexhaust

New member
Not my joke.
A man is standing in line at the patent office. It is a very busy day and the patent officer is swamped.
It's finally the mans turn and he steps up to the window.
"I'd like a patent" he says.
"on what?" the officer asks.
The man reaches into his jacket and pulls out a lollipop.
The officer says "Pop, I hate to tell you, but lollipops were patented in 1945."
The man says "Not these! These taste like p ssy!"
The officer says "No way!"
The man says "Go ahead and try it. I have several."
With that the officer takes the wrapper off and takes a big lick.
"Oh my God! This tastes like sh t!!!"
The man replies "Oh, turn it over."
 

Aeraun

New member
Great thread Sharkey. A good read with my nothing cup of Java. :thumb;

+1 to that. Any rules with this thread? Don't want to cross any lines in terms of the profane jokes lol. Are riddles acceptable as well? Or shall we start a riddle thread?

The Force will be with you.... always
 

10frank9

Web Wheeler
+1 to that. Any rules with this thread? Don't want to cross any lines in terms of the profane jokes lol. Are riddles acceptable as well? Or shall we start a riddle thread?

The Force will be with you.... always

I've got on on standby too good question. Will there be "feelings" or can we just laugh?
 

funfred

New member
Two old guys sittin' on a park bench people watching.
"Used to be, I'd see a pretty women and get an erection."
"And now?"
"Well, now, I don't see so good."
 

Aeraun

New member
I've got on on standby too good question. Will there be "feelings" or can we just laugh?

Not sure if you mean a riddle or dirty joke on standby, but I'm in for a dedicated riddle thread. We can do it like the movie quote thread, whoever answers a riddle throws out the next one - or just fire at will. As for dirty jokes, I'm all for insulting anyone and everyone for the sake of comedy and don't mind being insulted. Should we take a vote or something :confused: we have enough people getting butt hurt on here without purposefully insulting them lol

The Force will be with you.... always
 

10frank9

Web Wheeler
Not sure if you mean a riddle or dirty joke on standby, but I'm in for a dedicated riddle thread. We can do it like the movie quote thread, whoever answers a riddle throws out the next one - or just fire at will. As for dirty jokes, I'm all for insulting anyone and everyone for the sake of comedy and don't mind being insulted. Should we take a vote or something :confused: we have enough people getting butt hurt on here without purposefully insulting them lol

The Force will be with you.... always

I thought you were The Joker?

ImageUploadedByWAYALIFE1389472395.290642.jpg

Not The Riddler??? Lmao!
 

Army_Vet

Banned
Not sure if you mean a riddle or dirty joke on standby, but I'm in for a dedicated riddle thread. We can do it like the movie quote thread, whoever answers a riddle throws out the next one - or just fire at will. As for dirty jokes, I'm all for insulting anyone and everyone for the sake of comedy and don't mind being insulted. Should we take a vote or something :confused: we have enough people getting butt hurt on here without purposefully insulting them lol

The Force will be with you.... always

I'm in for a dirty no rules thread.


Sent from my iPod thingy using WAYALIFE mobile app
 

Sharkey

Word Ninja
+1 to that. Any rules with this thread? Don't want to cross any lines in terms of the profane jokes lol. Are riddles acceptable as well? Or shall we start a riddle thread?

The Force will be with you.... always

No racist jokes. Other than that, let's play it by ear.
 

Brankz

New member
I copy and paste this one :)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?
 

Aeraun

New member
So I was talking to Jesus Christ yesterday and he told me he had a hot date. I said oh really? Do you think you're gona get lucky? He said are you kidding? This girl will fuck anything that isn't nailed down.

The Force will be with you.... always
 

Aeraun

New member
A man goes to see his doctor, the doctor says I have terrible news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's disease. The man says well at least I don't have cancer

The Force will be with you.... always
 

10frank9

Web Wheeler
Rev. Jesse Jackson and Eddie Murphy are vacationing in Italy. They decide to go to the Vatican and try and meet with the Pope. They are able to get inside the Vatican and Rev. Jackson asks to see the Pope. They tell Rev. Jackson he doesn't see folks on the fly, but since he was also a man of the cloth, they point him to a hallway where he can sit and wait, as the Pope will sometimes leave his office and meet with folks in the hallway.

So both Rev. Jackson and Eddie Murphy sit in the hallway. Minutes turn into an hour and Eddie Murphy gets hungry. He pulls a bag of peanuts out and starts eating, tossing the shells onto the floor. Rev. Jackson gets angry and tells Eddie to pick up the shells. He refuses so, sparing himself the embarrassment, gets up and moves down about 5 seats away from Eddie.

Not 5 minutes later the Pope emerges and walks towards Eddie. Rev. Jackson glances over and sees the Pope lean over and whisper as he makes the sign of the cross over Eddie. The Pope then walks down the hall towards the front office RIGHT PAST Rev. Jackson, not even looking in his direction.

Puzzled and disappointed, Rev. Jackson walks up to Eddie and asks frantically how it was possible the Pope blessed HIM yet, walked right last Rev. Jackson, what being a man of the cloth and all?!?

Eddie chuckles and says, "the Pope didn't bless me, he leaned over and told me: You (pointing up) pick up those peanuts (pointing down) get that other black fella (pointing at Rev. Jackson) and get the F&@! Outta here! (pointing to the door).....
 

JK-JOHN-E

New member
Rev. Jesse Jackson and Eddie Murphy are vacationing in Italy. They decide to go to the Vatican and try and meet with the Pope. They are able to get inside the Vatican and Rev. Jackson asks to see the Pope. They tell Rev. Jackson he doesn't see folks on the fly, but since he was also a man of the cloth, they point him to a hallway where he can sit and wait, as the Pope will sometimes leave his office and meet with folks in the hallway.

So both Rev. Jackson and Eddie Murphy sit in the hallway. Minutes turn into an hour and Eddie Murphy gets hungry. He pulls a bag of peanuts out and starts eating, tossing the shells onto the floor. Rev. Jackson gets angry and tells Eddie to pick up the shells. He refuses so, sparing himself the embarrassment, gets up and moves down about 5 seats away from Eddie.

Not 5 minutes later the Pope emerges and walks towards Eddie. Rev. Jackson glances over and sees the Pope lean over and whisper as he makes the sign of the cross over Eddie. The Pope then walks down the hall towards the front office RIGHT PAST Rev. Jackson, not even looking in his direction.

Puzzled and disappointed, Rev. Jackson walks up to Eddie and asks frantically how it was possible the Pope blessed HIM yet, walked right last Rev. Jackson, what being a man of the cloth and all?!?

Eddie chuckles and says, "the Pope didn't bless me, he leaned over and told me: You (pointing up) pick up those peanuts (pointing down) get that other black fella (pointing at Rev. Jackson) and get the F&@! Outta here! (pointing to the door).....

:cheesy::cheesy::cheesy:AMEN BROTHER AMEN
 
Top Bottom