Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
4x4Jesus
Caught the Bug
In honor of the 44th President of the United States , Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: Barocky Road
Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all plentiful.
The cost is $92.84 per scoop...so, out of a $100 bill, you are at least promised some CHANGE.
When purchased, it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken out of the cone and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.
You are left with an almost-empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened. Then you realize this is what "redistribution of wealth" is all about.
Aren't you just stimulated?
Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all plentiful.
The cost is $92.84 per scoop...so, out of a $100 bill, you are at least promised some CHANGE.
When purchased, it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken out of the cone and given to the person in line behind you at no charge.
You are left with an almost-empty wallet, staring at an empty cone and wondering what just happened. Then you realize this is what "redistribution of wealth" is all about.
Aren't you just stimulated?
TheDuff
New member
Desert Rose JK
Member
Shipwrecked...
A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that
they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy
to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of
romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy
batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.
A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that
they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy
to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of
romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Nancy
batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.
4x4Jesus
Caught the Bug
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the
sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the
same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
also be very dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours
you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down
enough for the service to continue.
sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the
same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can
also be very dangerous.
Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the
resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........
The pastor called on him and the little boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours
you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down
enough for the service to continue.
StrizzyChris
New member
Lmao, gotta love kids!
Too funny!!
StrizzyChris
New member
I love one liners!
Jeeper Jr.
New member
Sharkey
Word Ninja
Little Johnny Strikes Again
Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says:
"I wanna hit the powerball and be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore on the planet, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, and bang her three times a day in the most exotic places on earth."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson ....
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's whore."
Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says:
"I wanna hit the powerball and be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore on the planet, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, and bang her three times a day in the most exotic places on earth."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson ....
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's whore."
JayKay
Caught the Bug
Betty and Doris are 85 year old chain smokers standing outside Walgreen's and smoking in a down pour. Betty sees a cigarette behind Doris' ear with a rubbery sleeve over it. She asks "what's that?". Doris replies, "it's a condom, it keeps the cigarette dry". Immediately, Betty thinks that is the best idea ever! She goes inside and finds Billy, who was stocking shelves. She asks Billy, "where are the condoms young man". Billy looks at her with a shocked look on his face and says "they're in aisle 5 ma'am, any particular size?"
Betty replies, "anything that'll fit a Camel".
Betty replies, "anything that'll fit a Camel".
Sharkey
Word Ninja
A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lit cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked
under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"
Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"
It is opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lit cigar in one
hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked
under his arm.
Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"
Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"
DA RUNT
New member
That's funny, i'm telling it at work today :cheesy:
DA RUNT
New member
lol, i was waiting to see if you could translate the pic I posted from net ops :sFun_tease:
Brankz
New member
Hahahahahhaha
KennyFrench
New member
Little Johnny's in trouble - again - so the teacher takes him out to the hall and tells him he has to sit there for 10 minutes. And, while he's out there, he has to make up a poem. 10 minutes later, the teacher comes out and asks Johnny to recite his poem - "While I was sittin' out the hall, I saw a cockroach crawl up the wall." The teacher says "Very good, Johnny. Now, go back inside and recite it to the class. But, leave the "cock" out. So, Johnny stands in front of the class and says "While I was sitting out in the hall, I saw a roach crawl up the wall... With his cock out."
A couple of blondes are working at a construction site putting siding on a house. One is up on the ladder with her hammer and a bag of nails. She takes a nail, looks at it, pounds it in. Takes another, looks at it, tosses it over her shoulder. This goes on for a while. The second one is watching this and says to the first....
" What are you doing with those nails?"
The first looks at her and says...
" Well, I take out a nail and if it is facing toward the house, I pound it in. Otherwise I get rid of it"
The second just shakes her head and says...
" You idiot those others are for the other side of the house!!"
" What are you doing with those nails?"
The first looks at her and says...
" Well, I take out a nail and if it is facing toward the house, I pound it in. Otherwise I get rid of it"
The second just shakes her head and says...
" You idiot those others are for the other side of the house!!"
Crawler Kitty
New member
Confession
I haven't kept up on this thread so please forgive me if its been shared already....
An Italian Boy's Confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!":thumb::cheesy:
I haven't kept up on this thread so please forgive me if its been shared already....
An Italian Boy's Confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!":thumb::cheesy: