Joke Thread

Bierpower

Hooked
I think taggers should have their hands cut off and their foreheads spray painted.
However amongst the scribbles above a gas station pisser this line had me laughing my ass off.

“Don’t look here, the joke is in your hands.”
One of the hangers I was stationed at had signs hanging over the urinals that said "stop rape, it's in your hands." I found it pretty hilarious.

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jdofmemi

Active Member
I found this posted and had to share.

It's good for a few laughs.


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A tribute to the fallen men of the war of the sexes (jurupa valley)
1
This is in memorial to all the veterans and men who lost their life and souls to the war of the sexes in the battle of marriageopolis. You are not forgotten.



There is nothing more tragic and raging than the tale of the battle of marriagepolis during the war of the sexes.
Long ago in the distant continent of love were a civilization in the land of lovetopia that was so advanced it had the power to make any family have the luxuries and amenities of royalty. Hunger was nonexistent or avoidable, everyone had access to machines of the Land, Sea and air that could move you from point A to B without the need of magic or beasts. All the laborious tasks and chores of life were made so easy by the press of a button. They were so advanced they could terraform any forest or desert into a oasis of skyscrapers, they could make any water drinkable, connect lands, move mountains, even change the air temperature to their liking. Their quality of life was so stress-free they had time to take on hobbies and trivial things like memes and camping during protests. Ah, but soon this became their demise. For you see this industrious civilization had a woven relationship between its two sexes that was arranged in such a way that it would maximize productivity and incentivize progress. They knew that the sexes weren’t equal, they were made up of strong, working, and sturdy men. And the emotional, weaker yet attractive women that could give birth to offspring, the key they knew was in the fact that the men sought the women, they knew that this relationship would motivate men to be productive to attract the women, all they had to do was not let the women give up their productive rights to men that didn’t make an effort to be productive. This was the fundamental law that laid the foundation for thousands of years of progress…. But soon it became lost in translation and no one listened to the wisdom of the elder’s history.

Their society was losing its youth to vanity and the foundation for which it stood. soon some people became used to this lifestyle and they were choosing to abandon the workforce altogether to focus on theater, gender studies, and the folly of attacking the men that brought them all this in the name of cuckism. Cuckism is the Idea that women could choose any man they want regardless of his service to society, a man without goals or moral ambition, they would procreate with nonproductive men and have their offspring later on be raised or financed by more productive men who will not bear offspring with her and in short cutting his lineage and legacy.
Men that were accepting to this idea became the voice of their reasoning and those opposed were shunned as misogynists. So they caved in for good boy points and allowed nonproductive men to vote and later even women to enact laws that laid the ground work for decay.

Women were soon becoming more and more empowered, gaining footing in government, their military, and even the institutions that raised their youth. And yet were weakening the men who were supporting them, they wanted them to abandon the very trades that kept them successful, told them they were dumb doing so, convincing them to spend 2 to 6 years or more in their institutions getting debt and throw away their most precious years to abandon manhood, turn to veganism, and live in servitude. They brainwashed boys and told men wonderful stories of cuckism in the site of what was called the marriage hill in marriageopolis. It was a hill were women would trap men and bring them home as slaves until their usefulness dried off, then they would kill them and noone would say a word.

The hill was covered in females known as the Hoes, they were women adorned with makeup to appear ten times their beauty. Drunken men would fall prey to any woman that wasn’t fat with the aid of some makeup and tissue paper. Young girls would lure weak men using friendzoning and later sugarbabying tactics to fund their weaponry. Their weapons consisted of makeup, short dresses, lingerie, and the more lethal leggings. The cuckists were becoming more prominent, they would wear their ideology symbols openly in public, they could be distinguished by the simple fact that they would make themselves ugly and inadequate to work to later use as an excuse to leech off the backs of others. The more devoted members would get short haircuts, sometimes buzzing or coloring their hair weird colors, they would get tattoos, piercings, and be fat.
Some men were soon becoming tired of this and wanted to put an end to this but it was too late, they had complete control of the courts and way of life, they told men to go visit marriageopolis and if you didn’t you were ridiculed, the few men that comeback alive told of the horrors but few would listen because women told their young men that it wouln’t happen to you if you were nice.

A large battle ensued, MRA units shielded with prenups and lawyer battalions, Pua’s rallying young virgin recruits, infantry using the pullout routine, pimps using the backhand method, bachelor archers keeping a distance with relationship arrows and promises, alpha cavalry using their success to trample, artillery using anti-cougar fodder, even the chaplains using the tradwife technique. Everyman was eagerly confident that this would be a quick victory. But soon as they approached marriage hill they knew not it was a trap. They had to cross difficult terrain just to get there, swamps of thots infested with std’s, poisonous snake bitches, man-eating alligators, golddigging beasts, and even cannibalizing lgbt tribes. They had to Endure the heat of the day carrying their supplies with the responsibility of the sun on their shoulders despite surviving the cold loneliness of the frigid nights with nothing but a pinch tent and maybe hand lotion to keep them warm. They had no rations only the promise of glory and an occasional you’re a nice guy berries they would find leading the trail. To top it off they were unorganized with no commanders, everyone for themselves. The few alarmers and ranking men would get sniped by social media darts and censors. They had to be on the guard for thieves and scavangers always on the lookout, no rest for if they dropped to rest in the wrong area they could lose their compass and get lost. Once they got to the bottom marriage hill they could only see that it is a steep cliff only traversable by arbitration and dropping your guard. The men would climb sometimes even helped up by the same enemy sirens only to be stabbed in the back with the spike they carried. Sometimes even other men they trusted would lead them and later push them off stealing their supplies. It was a cutthroat of mercilessness. The bulk of men that made it were greeted by beautiful women and a spectacular entrance, the population was welcoming with gifts, sex was bountiful, the meals were hot, truly they thought they are not the enemy, they had to just purchase a ring to be sponsored by a woman to travel the area, most would find a single mom to happily do so if you perform the ceremony. Little did they know they would give a good portion of their supplies they had just for the ring and ceremony, supplies they would lose regretfully.

The welcoming would not last, after not long, if they did not get backstabbed in their sleep by a woman and the help of other men, they would be handcuffed with the same ring they bought and made a slave to serve the colony, some had it worse, they became a victim to cuckism and spent a life of servitude while she ran away with drug addicts or other women.

The men fought hard, they had conviction and they were smarter than the women, they invented condom boots to avoid the swamps, but they had an even greater adversary that cost them the battle, other men. They had been infiltrated and men in their ranks that would praise the idea of cuckism would help the females, inventing weapons for them and escalating the battle. Women were now using the pill and abortion to cut reinforcements to the men. Cucks were enhancing women with surgeries and financial sponsorship. Virgins rallied by puas were ill-equipped or lacked the confidence to fight losing hope and becoming incels and surrendering. The cavalry that made it would lose equipment if a ring got put on them, pulling out would sometimes not work, only the bachelors, and pimps would get most kills, chaplains that trapped enemy recruits. There were heroic sacrifices done by a few men giving all for the cause, player units would use game to take down the feared stacy enemy elite units. Chad and tyrones in the infantry were doing their part for the cause, they would pump n dump women left and right all day. Anti-cougar Artillery support would work in taking down enemy financial centers giving practice and confidence boosts to men. Special elite misogynist units were most effective But they were unpopular at home for their ruthlessness in battle and were kept away for mandated war conduct rehabilitation classes. The men had the moral oligation that was taught to them to not massacre enemy recruits, and the savagery that comes from telling the women that men don’t care about their honors phd, job or intelligence only their youth and what they had between their legs. The rules of war also dictated that simp and captainsaveahoe medics would heal and feed the surrendered enemy giving a rallying confidence to even the oldest hookers who could no longer wield a weapon to fight on.

It was the deadliest costly battle the world had seen, men were not ready and were losing ground to simple yoga pants and lipstick. prenup and lawyer shields were being torn apart by weapons created by cucks, anti prostitution laws against pimps. things couldn’t get worse, then cucks then gave them powerful murder weapons that would leave men scarred even if they lived thru it, this was nothing women could materialize by themselves, at first it was just child support, then alimony. Then even the men staying away from the battle were trembling at the horrible weapon unleashed by women aided in the making by cucks; paternity by stoppel, spousal rape and birth by stepdad or common law marriage. This weapon would trap any man even with dna test shielding. It brought the battle to any man in the region, men screamed in horror as they tried to claw out tooth and nail out of the trap of marriage hill, the rivers ran red with the blood and sweat of countless good men that day. The women were fighting with dildo rations that gave them the extra strength to fight away from the battle, usually their young delicate bodies are only battle ready for about a legal decade then they would have lost their stamina and will to fight, but the cucketry gave them the extra self-esteem to rally and fight on.

Men would scour their surroundings to find a knife or weapon not to fight but to turn on themselves for they knew they could not deal with the misery of child support and alimony. Men’s checks were transferred to women with the intent of spending it on their offspring, it didn’t matter if they got a demotion, pay cut or got sick, they had an obligation to pay rain or shine, the more the men made the more they had to pay the woman, the women would almost always get custody aided by lawyers paid by the men. There was no hope, homeless men could not find support or shelter from the onslaught, entire businesses and homes given to the women to spend with whatever lowlife they wanted. The men would become suicidal just at the thought because they knew the women were going to spend the money on drugs, booze, makeup, and girls night out at the club sparring and supporting scum men or finding another man to increase her portfolio income collection. The women got bolder, they would use bull rings to instill fear and disgust in the faces of men found in their path. Virgin men recruits would suffer traumatic stresses hearing the cries of being called a creep and accused of sexual harassment. Men would end up in jail if not in chains working for 18 years or the rest of their life sometimes for just being in a relationship. There was no hope for winning this battle but the men in the homefront were being kept from knowing this, it wasn’t until the battle had raged on for almost a century that men caught wind of this, men were being accused of harrassment for just looking at a woman in school or work. A new philosophy grew, it was the wisest yet ridiculed. Men were realizing that the battle was not gonna be won not because the women were superior in their tactics but because they were being helped by cuck men and they knew that nothing is as strong as the conviction of a man trying to get laid.
Even bachelors ambushing the women with guerrilla tactics and game far away were taking chances with the law, it was better to not fight the war at all because the battle was larger than marriageopolis. Abandon the land and look for refuge elsewhere in another continent became their only salvation. These men were known as Mgtows. The war that still goes on to this day would have been won had it not been for the treachery of the cucks for they are without honor. Till this day You might be able to see a man in the chains of marriage with hollowed dead zombielike eyes working day in and day out for sometimes offspring of a man not worth the manure they have to clean up after and a woman that sees them as nothing but a wallet that doesn’t even deserve a sexual reward he is entitled to. Even worse You can still hear the howling cries of agony and despair being tortured out of innocent men looking for love losing their souls and everything they fought for far away in the courtrooms of marriegeopolis. Noone has cared about these men, it is taboo to speak about the perills of this battle let alone remember them. So goes life in the land of love.

By. Doc Geo
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 7141970210 posted: about an hour ago email to friend ♥ best of [?]
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notnalc68

That dude from Mississippi
The little boy had been looking out of the window.

He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother couldn't think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.

The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant,"If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The boy replied, "Yes, she did."

"Well", said the flight attendant, "you tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."


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jdofmemi

Active Member
Found this and thought I would share.

Many people are unaware how much the ability to spell correctly is overrated.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
 

Ddays

Hooked
4th grader wrote a story for his class assignment and told about his cat having kittens. He ended the story by saying that all 7 of them were democrats.
Two weeks later, he again wrote about his kittens and how they were so cute and getting bigger every day, but ended the story saying all 7 were now republicans.
The teacher was puzzled and called the boy up to her desk to explain why two weeks ago the cats were all democrats and this week they were all republicans?
Oh, that's easy, the boy explained. This week they all opened their eyes.
 

wjtstudios

Hooked
4th grader wrote a story for his class assignment and told about his cat having kittens. He ended the story by saying that all 7 of them were democrats.
Two weeks later, he again wrote about his kittens and how they were so cute and getting bigger every day, but ended the story saying all 7 were now republicans.
The teacher was puzzled and called the boy up to her desk to explain why two weeks ago the cats were all democrats and this week they were all republicans?
Oh, that's easy, the boy explained. This week they all opened their eyes.

Awesome!


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jdofmemi

Active Member
Found this one and had to share:


On my way home yesterday, I stopped at the garage to get a brew and as I walked up, I noticed these 2 police officers watching a woman who was smoking while putting her petrol in. I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there. But anyways, I minded my own business and went inside and got my brew. As I was paying for my drink, I heard someone screaming! Like I'm talking violent death screams!! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!! Like she was bat shit crazy. When I got outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out! Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the police car. I was thinking, arrested?? Shouldn't she be in an ambulance, not a police car? And being the nosey arse I am, I asked the copper what they were arresting her for? The officer looked at me, dead serious, and said "WAVING A FIRE ARM"!!
 

jdofmemi

Active Member
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up".

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but 5 o'clock finally came around.

The boss duly fronted up and asked "How many sales did you make today?" "One" said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars" said the young man.

Flabbergasted the boss asked "How did you manage that?"

"Well" said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser".

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him 'Your weekend's fucked, you may as well go fishing".
 

WJCO

Meme King
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up".

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but 5 o'clock finally came around.

The boss duly fronted up and asked "How many sales did you make today?" "One" said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars" said the young man.

Flabbergasted the boss asked "How did you manage that?"

"Well" said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser".

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him 'Your weekend's fucked, you may as well go fishing".

Lol. :cheesy:
 
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