Joke Thread

I got in trouble for telling this one in kindergarten. I had heard my dad tell it and everyone always laughed.

How many bones does a chicken have in its neck?
Enough to keep its pecker up.


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Haha that's great. That was an old bar joke my mom told me when I was in elementary school.


Not a joke, but today when I got off the freeway there was a homeless man panhandling at corner of the off ramp intersection (there are always people there). I read his sign and got a great laugh. It read: "Will wrestle your mother in-law for change". If I didn't have a green light I'd have given him $10.

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A teacher was teaching her class some new words. Contagious .
she asked if anyone knew what this was and if they could use in a sentence. little Sally raises her hand. She says " her mom and her could not go out to the grocery store because they were sick and very contagious."
Very good replies the teacher.
Little Johnny puts up his hand. The teacher says "do you have an example for us too ?"
" yes." replies Johnny.
" me and my dad were out playing catch in the back yard. the old lady next door was painting her house", and dad says " its going to take that cunt ages to paint her house."

:cheesy:
 
But it's the Value service. 😂

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I could do it all for prob $75...haha. It's crazy the mark up. The only reason I'm getting the oil changed here was because they had a winter special. Figured I couldn't change it myself with full synthetic for $35. I also just replaced the air filter 2 months ago at the same dealership...haha.

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I have to say I'm kind of curious if they were doing the brake fluid exchange or not at that price?


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I have no idea. I wasn't going to pay that for those services. I don't necessarily believe in a brake fluid exchange anyway. My old Titan had 125k on it when I traded it in and didn't even do brakes until 120k. Fluid got low once but was still straw colored.

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A lady goes into a New York City bank. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the women hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the women for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The women replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
 
A lady goes into a New York City bank. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the women hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the women for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The women replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

that was good.
 
A lady goes into a New York City bank. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the women hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the women for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The women replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[emoji1] [emoji1] [emoji1]

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
 
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