kevman65
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Walk away smiling, save yourself......
Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
GP NOIR
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The irony
2007 JKU CANADA
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Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ?
One is heavy and the other a little lighter
One is heavy and the other a little lighter
AZVAJKU
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A small mountain town had a huge squirrel infestation and it was causing problems for everyone in the town to include the churches.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel problem. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel problem. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
AZVAJKU
Hooked
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An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake.
He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age when he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
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An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake.
He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age when he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."
.