pewpew82
Caught the Bug
I feel personally attacked.
Joke Thread
- Thread starter Sharkey
- Start date
AZVAJKU
Hooked
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and
I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies. "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well, Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and
I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies. "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. "Well, Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
AZVAJKU
Hooked
.
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The old blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The old blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
AZVAJKU
Hooked
LEMON PICKERS NEEDED IN FLORIDA – ONLY US CITIZENS OR LEGAL IMMIGRANTS NEED APPLY.
Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.
She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master's degree from Michigan State University.
For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.
The foreman studied her application, frowned and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said... "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Biden."
She started work yesterday…
Ms. Sally Mulligan of Coral Springs , Florida, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.
She submitted her application for a job in a Florida lemon grove, but seemed far too qualified for the job.
She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan, and a master's degree from Michigan State University.
For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher.
The foreman studied her application, frowned and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said... "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, and voted for Biden."
She started work yesterday…
GP NOIR
Hooked
The year is 2028 and the United States has elected Sarah Goldstein, as the first Jewish- and woman- President.
Sarah calls her mother and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration."
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again."
"Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One for you and Papa. A limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmaltzy; what on earth would we wear?
Sarah replies, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York. Papa will get a tailored suit and the finest doctors to look after him."
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."
"Don't worry. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way. I really want you and Papa to come."
So Mom and Papa agree and on January 20, 2029, they are siting in the front row as their daughter is being sworn in. Mom leans over to the senator sitting next to her. "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, taking the oath of office as President of the United States?"
The senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."
Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."
Sarah calls her mother and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration."
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again."
"Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One for you and Papa. A limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmaltzy; what on earth would we wear?
Sarah replies, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York. Papa will get a tailored suit and the finest doctors to look after him."
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."
"Don't worry. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way. I really want you and Papa to come."
So Mom and Papa agree and on January 20, 2029, they are siting in the front row as their daughter is being sworn in. Mom leans over to the senator sitting next to her. "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, taking the oath of office as President of the United States?"
The senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."
Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."
